Katylin >^..^<

PIF

2009-12-25T06:36:16Z

I love you son.
I do.
I am pleased to lay and feel you move about your cabin.
Our morning time together is one of my favorites.
I know you know your father's voice.
We feel you kick to the sound of his voice greeting me,
in bed reading the Bible to me, and well when he kisses me.
I am not sure if that is because you can hear my heart race or because you hear him laugh?
We are spending our last Christmas Eve ever as single married folks.
You are not missing out on anything because I can't have sugar, and we are not drinking, and therefore no Kahlúa and Cookies for the tree decorating. Not that you would like either, nor be allowed to try them... for at least more than a decade.
We are relaxing.
We have eaten California style tacos, with soda water, and are listing to both Das Ich and Mind in A Box, kinda at once.
We are going to finish the tree, take some silly photos and make the best of tonight.

Then with all our will we will try to go to bed soon, as we are engaged in plans downtown at noon, and this is a VERY hard thing for us to do. We rather lay in bed and snuggle.

Your father in an ultra swank pin-stripped button down shirt: says, "I can't wait for you to be in my lap, so I can teach you how to type my little boy". "It will be exciting to have you here next Christmas, I am looking forward to our nights together when mom is at work". Yep that is fine.

Justin sometimes says things and then takes them back. This is our version of playing.

Hey, you will thank me for this. When I met your father, he NEVER played. He could not understand why anyone would play.
I was shy,
and yes, I realize how wild that sounds.
But really, I was shy. So some months into our marriage, your dad looked over at me and said," I had NO idea how silly you were, or you could be." He was a little put off and a little scared.
But we have fixed all that.
He is waiting for you.
He also is waiting to see if I get some of my silliness worked out on you, so that he does not have all of it poured out on him.

Goodnight little Enoch. I can tell you are done with the taco spice and have fallen back asleep.
Love Mom and Dad

oh huge tree. are not you beautiful enough... a'natural?

2009-12-22T04:42:35Z

i wish that i was into Christmas tree decorating. At all. A little.
i just do not care this year.
it is the last last last day that we could do this.
and i do not want to come help.
it makes me sad. but i just do not care to get all this stuff out for FOUR days*, and then have to dread packing it all back up.

* which I work the next three
- scrooge.

My husand never grumbles.

2008-12-24T15:32:19Z

I was making coffee this morning. I am zombie girl in the mornings. We get in bed after 1:00... last night it was a little after that. Justin always waits up for me, and we brush our teeth together~ unwind a bit after I get off work.
Then he is up at six sharp. I am up daily just after six. I should be up at 0600. But I just cannot make my eyelids peel back.
I was thinking of Justin this morning as I was making his lunch and coffee. I was adding the "Christmas Eve" lover's card, (Woodstock to be exact) and the card was all happy and cute. "bird talk for Merry Christmas" and my brain was wondering to talking, and the different ways people make sentences, and my husbands voice.
Then, I just stood there.
I realized how much has changed for him since October, and how really grateful I am to know him. What an amazing character he really is to know; what a charming creature.

Last October, he was working a job he really loved being part of... a gaming job.
Last year at this time, the office party was held at the W hotel, the one at his buddies house, and then his bosses house ~all on different nights. His whole office was given symphony tickets to hear a clip of music, and the entire staff was presented (their own) a Play Stations 3, (their own) rock band special addition and (their own) blue ray movie... "All these huge Christmas gifts and then their huge Christmas bonus."
Then the whole company was given the 10 days around Christmas off ... PAID.
Most of their staff lived out of the country, or was from places out of the country and this allowed them to go home for the holidays.
Justin had plenty of snow days, and this whole holiday season off!!

He could ride his motorcycle (and was encouraged too by the slew of other riders). He had a place for his personal things, his own desk, a small refrigerator, a snacks drawer, leather slippers under the desk, an office with not just colleges but friends; one that he has had for a decade. He knew his job, he had a phone stiffen, lunches brought in by an amazing office manager, free snacks, all sorts of snack, fruit, jerky, m&m's, an espresso machine, a coffee pot...his office had a picture windown and a view of the water called the sloop and all the amazing cranes, rabbits, ducks and other life that ran around.

Last year right after January he took a new higher position with a work slope. A pay raise and position title was to be paid 10 months later. Yes, do this job now, and in 10 months at review there will be a bonus and a raise.

He walked in one day ~ almost exactly 10 months later~ right before reviews and had been replaced. He came home defeated in his heart. It was totally out of the blue. He sought new work. He spent more than 90 hours the first week on his résumé and leads. Towards the end of looking he dove into letting God have control of his life. I could see this in his prayer life and his Bible time. Almost immediately he was given contract work.

Contract work had never seemed like an option for him. He turned it down prior saying that it was not steady enough pay, for raise a family; not the security he was looking for...
But this position offered the same pay, and enough to cover cobra insurance.
His only real words about his new place are that he is not an employee, and it would be nice to have his own desk...
One day reciently, I ran over the list in my head and asked him about this new job. He has not shared much about it, so I figured it was not "grand". He really offered only that the bathrooms are awful, and that there is no internet allowed for contractors. I asked more, he only answered nah...(much less his own office, his own chair, place for his gear, a place for his food (no refrigerators much less his own under his desk), no view, not even a desk phone, no snacks, no perks). He has never listed them... He just said things like " Could you find me a lunch sack that stays cold?". I said, " sure", and then asked if there was a refrigerator, and he said, "not so much". I asked if there was a microwave and he said: "one". I asked, "coffee pot"? He said, "not so much".

There were no Christmas parties this year. No friends from his last place of work called. No party invites from his old pals, his old boss, their old friends. Nothing.
No bonus, no presents, no "good job" my work loves me feeling.

AND THE WHOLE REASON I AM SHARING THIS:

IS BECAUSE JUSTIN HAS NEVER ONCE COMPLAINED OR COMPARED THE TWO AND GRUMBLED.

I am totally humbled by him. Everyone knows how I think about my work place.
I mutter and gripe, I complain and rant, all the time.

And today while making coffee, my kind, gentle husband just got up, got ready and went off to this new job, driving right though the snow without so much as a peep about dismay.

I am amazed. and again so very humbled.