Home

Advertisement

Customize
Each Day What Goes Around Comes Back Stronger...
"Goodness speaks in a whisper, evil shouts" ~ Tibetan Proverb

"There is much pain that is quite noiseless; and vibrations that make human agonies are often a mere whisper in the roar of hurrying existence".
~George Eliot

I Ponder: All Art Burns
"If I died you will be in my heart, If I die by fire you also would be immolated!" ~unknown

"Thank you for hearing my whisper." ~Always

Hello New Friends.
Happy New Years 2009!


Welcome to my journal.
Most posts are public for the month of the post, then archived as friend's only.


Anonymous comments are welcome with screening.

**New friends are welcome.**

~ Sincerely Katylin
Links:
burning mars hill sound
The days fly by:
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930
Nov. 6th, 2009 @ 04:50 pm PIF is a boy.
The Bats in the Belltower: kind
Tags:
We will name him Enoch Asher Von Graves.
I am quite sure...
More about Scrabble:
Katylin's Black Cat and Shakespeare Skul
Nov. 4th, 2009 @ 12:47 pm PIF's first concert
The where of:" where what and when": day off!!
The Bats in the Belltower: amused
My inside Rhapsody: classical lunch block
And most likely our last.
Skinny Puppy Plays tonight in Seattle at the ShowBox.
It is a far far cry from the first time that I saw them at the Palladium in Los Angeles!
That was most likely the impactual show that I have seen.
It was not the band alone, it was the slide show the fierce graphics, the body stilts, the urination on the crowd... but the part that blew me out of the water was the line up in the ladies restroom.
The Palladium had a ladies counter and mirror that stretched 40 feet down one bathroom wall. The amount of heavy black tattoo work across so many woman's décolleté. I was shocked. Before tribal there were swirls and swirls of SP and heavy thick lines plunging from the throat into their bustiers.
I stood there more than a whole song, looking at woman over 10 years my age, dressed in the highlife of the early 1990 gothic punk. Covered in spikes, leather, fitted corsets, huge black Siouxie hair, and outstanding makeup.

I NOR the concert will not be this luxurious to night.
But I am sure that it fun!!

I can't wait to see if PIF reacts to the music.
More about Scrabble:
Katylin's Black Cat and Shakespeare Skul
Nov. 2nd, 2009 @ 12:39 pm dearest v
The where of:" where what and when": the couch
The Bats in the Belltower: sad
Tags:
i have been so sick
and the kind of sick when i really want to be at home
i want to sleep 12 hours
and then lay on the couch
it is the oddest thing
you of all people know i do not understand chill
relax
hanging
"being a slug"
you had the most down time in my whole life

now...
here i am sitting on the couch
as i did yesterday and the day before

and my heart can't but wonder
why you are not here

why
i miss you so deeply it still makes my eyes well inside
and that funny pressure at the bridge of my nose and the top of my cheek bones
i miss having a girlfriend
i miss the tenderness and the giggling and the looks that made us know one another
i have not had a girlfriend since you died
there is not anyone that can bring out in me what you did
i sure wish that there was because i miss so much of our lives
i miss laughing instead of crying at the end of a movie
i miss making pink particulars and other booze concoctions
i miss snorting because that is what we did
i miss your moon profile and you sitting in the sink to apply your makeup

v'

i am 36 and i don't have a female BFF
i have an amazing husband that doesn't wrinkle his nose at chick flicks, bra shopping or picking out shoes with me.

i feel selfish

i want an adult best friend
More about Scrabble:
Katylin's Black Cat and Shakespeare Skul
Nov. 1st, 2009 @ 03:00 pm goodbye october
The Bats in the Belltower: sick
My inside Rhapsody: none
Tags: ,
i am sick.
i felt better and now i feel worse
i have done nothing but sleep away the last weekend of october
no corn mazes no pumpkin patches no leave jumping
what a drag!
i am a sick head.
justin has been working all day without me.
every time i stand or walk, i want to fall over
i am tired and irritable
that is the worst
the irritable
and sad inside part

goodbye october 09 i never knew you

dratz!
More about Scrabble:
Katylin's Black Cat and Shakespeare Skul
Oct. 29th, 2009 @ 12:36 pm I am feeling better and I heard PIF
The where of:" where what and when": off to Ballard
The Bats in the Belltower: awake
My inside Rhapsody: Katie
Tags: ,
I had my tooth fixed yesterday. I had wished that I had brought or requested Oxygen since the bonding agents smelled so bad, and I have done everything else I could think of to not expose myself to any fumes of toxins. But my front tooth is new and nice.
Yeah tooth.
I had a midwife appointment. It was good. It was very busy in her office and her was interrupted so many times that I did not feel that anything was achieved.
But once again, I got to hear the baby heart's beat!!

That was wonderful.
It makes my heart happy even when my chest is unhappy!
More about Scrabble:
Katylin's Black Cat and Shakespeare Skul
Oct. 25th, 2009 @ 07:13 pm flu me and a wait to see if i can be tested.
The where of:" where what and when": couch - coughing
The Bats in the Belltower: worried
My inside Rhapsody: mr. j doing the dishes
Tags:
i officially have the ick.

My immune system has been taxed hard. But I am loosing the fight, fever, body ache, sick, cough, head pounding, kidneys hurt, face hurts, brain hurts, sick. Really. WHY WHY WHY!!! Please pray for me, and this little baby, I just can NOT be sick with flu, since the real flu has not started only NIHI is the ONLY flu on the market right now. Prayer please!!

I will see tomorrow about trying to get a culture, it is a HARD thing to do...
There are long lines and I am not sure how fast the fast test is...
I have a full full schedule.

I am so bummed. a lot annoyed and scared.

okay pretty scared.

stupid.


more: half hour later
I thought Mr. J was doing dishes, but he was fixing me chicken soup. EVERYTHING makes me burmp (then grumble)! I just said, "mmm soup makes my throat feel nice, wow, even the burmps good, cuz they ar...e warm"! He laughed and since I was readign FB, told me I should post this. mmmm warm
More about Scrabble:
Katylin's Black Cat and Shakespeare Skul
Oct. 23rd, 2009 @ 06:43 pm Pif banking
The where of:" where what and when": Seattle bank
The Bats in the Belltower: excited
My inside Rhapsody: mr. J humming
Tags: ,
we just opened PIF's bank account.
it made me grin ear to ear i am so excited
it made me feel like when i was a little girl getting my savings and loan card.
we deposited $110 and we had a special signing bonus of $125 (free money).
i will deposit $25 a week into PIF's account from my pay check in an auto draft, so that i do not even really notice it is gone!

so so so so excited.
More about Scrabble:
Katylin's Black Cat and Shakespeare Skul
Oct. 23rd, 2009 @ 12:39 pm morning off and i have the blashs...
The Bats in the Belltower: thoughtful
My inside Rhapsody: A23
Tags: , , ,
I AM NOT SURE WHAT I AM TO EAT
my doctor appointment was moved a week out'
bummer
i had quaker instant oatmeal high fiber with cinnamon... and i have heartburn agian

coffee did not come out at all

one of those moments and mornings
pulled on mr.j sweat shirt, the don't want to eat anything after dinner pink pajama pants, and ski wigwam socks.
then...
slid on mr.j's fishing boots and walked over to the neighbors to grab Wumpscut from their back yard. Seems that he has decided to take out his adolescence runaway issues on me. I have no idea how he is escaping. Mr.J raised the lowest part of the fence under the tree at least four more feet, so it is 14 feet tall.
Yet Wump is out every morning this week.
I am thinking of an electric fence.
I can not handle the Knott's Berry Farm- Thunder Mountain-looking wood across my English garden Gate. I thought of having a huge spider web made of wrought iron, but it would cost more than the electric fence. WHICH IS $200
So far I am close to $200 already to have the two cats outside. This is so far out of my budget.

i have no idea how much sleep i am suppose to be needing.
i am tired all the time
i ONLY have a second wind near midnight'
it has been hard to go to bed
i have not slept well in weeks
my dreams have been viscous
people i love dying
sex with people i do not care for, while crying for Mr.J
being beaten
running, lots of running
i am not sure what is happening to my sleep

i am awake just after three hours of sleep, wide awake, but exhausted, and so i realize i must pee
and then between 0400-0730 i can't sleep only to be too tired to wake to make breakfast, and then i want to sleep until noon.

this has been most of the last month

i decided that i would volunteer two days a week to make myself get up and try and reset my Arcadian rhythm.

i had my last interview with my employer for my old job back at the grocery store in Ballard. they are going to be done with the tear down and rebuild by the middle of December. It was a harder interview than i wanted to have based on my restricted schedule.
i may have to step back down and take a position under mine to get in... i guess that is what is to happen if that is what is to happen.

pay is the same, basically, i will make $5 less a day...
that is not a lot to be the boss, LET ME TELL YOU!

it might be better for the end of the pregnancy but i worry about the after part, where i need to make sure that my hours are compatible to Mr.J's to cover child care.
that part might be much harder than i had imagined.

God will open the right door at the right time, just as he moved me to the store i am at now, and not the store i wanted to be moved too with my crew. as it ended up, that store closed this month, and that would have meant that i would have been in limbo for several months... limbo and i are not friends.
so i can see now that i was spared, even though i did not get what i thought to be best at the time. i was wrong, He was full of grace.

i have some work to do to find out all the time periods of the time off and my rights for labor, and family leave. i have a no idea who to ask, as the office seems to know nothing!

i think that i will see if it is federal.

i have to clean in my house today
i walked in poop and did not realize it, yesterday before my interview and walked in my house, all the rooms before I realized that it was on my shoe! darn Wump. I was outside, getting him back into the yard, just like today...

my room had a closet explode.

it is date night tonight and i have not picked where we are going too, nor have i booked our two weekender coming up.
bad kate

nothing seems to sound fun
i really hate that... i need some inspiration

trash truck is here, it must be late near one.
More about Scrabble:
Katylin's Black Cat and Shakespeare Skul
Oct. 15th, 2009 @ 12:43 pm PIF and 100g of sugar lab
The where of:" where what and when": thinking about bed i mean a walk
The Bats in the Belltower: peaceful
My inside Rhapsody: classical lunch block
Tags: , ,
I did passed the fasting part of the lab by grace. If I was ONE number higher than I would have failed.
I passed the first hour sugar,
I FAILED the second hour sugar
and by the third my body was too tired to try and thus it passed by the boarder.

When you are over weight, like me, and your sugar goes way up, because you would not eat, or did not eat, or slept for more than 8 hours and then woke not hungry, your body tried to break down ones own fat into a usable sugar. My body can break it down, but can not figure out how to use it. So my body lets the sugar leak out into my blood stream which does all the same things that a diabetic would have happen. The sugar clogs the working body and destroys the organs, limbs and eyes.

lame.
Supposedly I can control more of this by the way that I eat. Eat more often. Eat more protein with carbs and fats. ie, apple chicken cheese and a tiny amount often.

I am also being called my sleeping instead of walking.
I use to walk so much more than I want to now.
If I have an hour, I no longer want to walk the lake but sleep.
Dream sleep. I am exhausted, but it is a cycle. I am on the bottom side of the cycle, sleep more need more sleep.

Yeah for grace. I will have to take all these tests again, and the Midwife said at least we did this now, while I can choose to fix more of it.

She suggested that if I had waited I would have failed and then nothing could have been done that late in the pregnancy.

I should put on a bra and walk to get my library books.
I do wish my monster headache would leave.

I want a home birth. I think that I will walk with this being my motto... i was thinking of another word, but I can't seem to find it in my head space or on the on line dictionary. Ma-tra?
*anyone know if this is a read word?
More about Scrabble:
Katylin's Black Cat and Shakespeare Skul
Oct. 14th, 2009 @ 12:38 pm PIF and 100g of sugar lab
The where of:" where what and when": at home dry
The Bats in the Belltower: calm
My inside Rhapsody: the cars in the rain
Tags: , ,
Done for the morning!

There are many good things in these days.
Fall leaves.
The lab let me sleep between the tests, and I actually slept. (in a hospital gurney, with a funny little blanket, but God let me sleep.)
I only had to drink one bottle of liquid otter pops. (not the three i was told I had too drink) it had 100g of sugar and on a fasting stomach, one was really bad, so when I asked for the second an hour later, she told me that was the old test, and now there was no need to do that! Yeah!

Got my car fixed down the street from the Lab, (Beacon Automotive is less than a 1/4 mile, and the owner fit me in, and replaced my clutch while I had my lab. So no time was lost)
He even gave me a ride back to the hospital so I was not wet for the the labs, (as it has rained all day).

I found a tiny vibrating bat stuffed toy, and a tiny duck toy that quacks. Totally over priced in the gift shop. But they were so funny.

And if the worst is that I have to be medicated, maybe at least I will feel better?
I have felt so tried for 20+ weeks, so maybe this is a blessing.
I just so deeply want to deliver at home. If I have D2, that is not an option.
God knows all this, He knows all the factors, and when I think of Mary in a barn, and Christ in a smelly moldy rotten food troff. I know God can protect me from anything.
Thank you for your prayers, my spirit fells kind and mellow. I know that has to be the people that are praying for us.

I ate two dollar menu double stacks, wow the fat is in my throat. I was famished. Over 16 hours with no food, and this dumb bottle of sugar. I had eaten dinner last night at 6:30 p.m.
I had a tiny snack, the end of my burrito at 11:00 p.m. But I mean a tiny snack, three bites... so, yeah 600 calories of smack, but 46 grams of protein. Mmmmm protein.
Yogurt and salad for the rest of the day, thus I can get my bowls moving again.

I want a small nap before work.
Maybe a pepcid and a nap.
More about Scrabble:
Katylin's Black Cat and Shakespeare Skul

Advertisement

Customize